There were a lot of decent movies this summer. And I saw a good deal of them. Usually I like to review each one point by point, But I haven't gotten a chance this summer. So instead, here's my recap of one of this summer's films, in as concise and speedy fashion as I can manage.
Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer
What, you thought it'd be better this time? You thought that maybe, just maybe the first movie's badness was a fluke? No. Bad consumer. Now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. This movie is pretty damn awful. Awful in a way that almost allows you to say it's awful without having the justify your reasoning with the more than abundant evidence. I'll admit, I too thought the mere presence of the Silver Surfer could make a bad movie watchable, but for that to happen, said Surfer needs to actually get some significant screen time. Most of the movie is spent showing everyone restraining their panic and walking around with furrowed brows and casting nervous glances at each other. At a few points in the movie, the FF get to switch powers, which is some neat eye candy at first, but the effects are extremely temporary and you soon resign to the knowledge that the movie isn't going to show you a lot of that kind of action. Or any kind of action really. Even the final battle was lame. Normally I don't go for spoilers, but as I see no reason why a normal human being would be able to make it to the end of this film, I'll just say it: Galactus is a big freaking cloud! How is that supposed to strike terror into my heart? And then what happens? Silver Surfer goes kamikaze and blows the Big G up. It seems strange that after the hundreds and hundreds (thousands?) of planets that Surfer helped Galactus consume, he never considered trying to stop it. Not until he meets the wholly remarkable and peace-loving people of Earth that is! See, humans are better at pleading than all those other species!
In 1994, a previous Fantastic Four movie was completed, but was never released because it was produced solely so the studio could maintain ownership of movie rights to the franchise. And according to people who have seen leaks of it, it's a horrible horrible low-budget film. So I guess the idea was this: Waste a little bit of cash producing a small, low-budget piece of crap so that down the line, when they were ready, the studio could flush a butt-ton of cash into not one, but two huge pieces of crap. It makes me wonder a bit what it would've been like if the 1994 movie had just been released instead of the newer films. It might have been bad, but it would have at least been blatant b-grade bad.
At this point, it may be safe for us to move on, because I have yet to meet anyone who actually like this movie, and I've already given more words than this movie deserves.
Final Thought: Remember The Hulk? Yeah, you're probably better off with that. At least the action at the end of that will wake you back up.